Recently I had my Ti Sarana ceremony. It was a wonderful ceremony in which I formalized my commitment to the path of Dharma.
It was a beautiful and meaningful ceremony in which I took Vows on the Dharma path. I look at the vows I accepted such as: to be truthful, to honor, to have respect and to continue to grow and increase my knowledge regarding the teachers of Guatama Buddha and dharma. This also includes holding self and others with compassion.
The ceremony took place over the telephone as I am located in Pennsylvania and Rev. Koyo and Adrienne san are in California. It was important for me to have a witness during the ceremony. My eldest children were at school during this time and only my 16 month old son would be with me and I also wanted my mother to be my witness.
Since my mother lives in Georgia I decided to call her first and then conference Rev. Koyo and Adrienne san into the call. I told my mother to have herself on mute so that airplanes over head or dogs bark could not be heard. About twenty minutes into the call I realized that the line on my mother’s end was disconnected. My first thought was that something went wrong with her line. But then I realized that was unlikely and I thought perhaps she became impatient and left the line as she needed to do something for my brother.
I felt she wasn’t there for me. All of these thoughts came within seconds and my next thought was to stop what I was doing. Stop assuming and just hope the best. Her line was inadvertently cut off.
I knew that I was also making vows to see the best in every person, situation and myself. Therefore I must direct myself to positive thoughts or better yet NO THOUGHTS.
I realized that I could assume and assume the worse and that would be unkind in two fold. I was unfairly assuming my mother let me down and I was not giving proper respect to the ceremony happening in front of me. I was disrespecting the time and consideration that Rev. Koyo Kubose and Adrienne san were giving to me and the moment.
Eventually I was in touch with my mother and she said she waited on the line for 20 minutes and heard nothing and she eventually hung up. I was so upset with myself for forgetting the simple act of transferring her being on hold into the conference call. It was my undoing. I apologized to my mother. I made such a big deal of her being there. I was very upset with myself. My mom was fine she just laughed and said I owed her $200 for her twenty minutes of time!
I was able to let go of being upset with my mom for leaving the call. I knew I had to not make assumptions and simply assume she left. It was important for me to be mindful and present. Then later it was important for me to forgive myself for leaving my mother out of the ceremony. I apologized profusely.
Dharma Glimpse: Never assume anything. Hold self and others in compassion. Learn to let go when life does not show up the way you want it to.