14 February 2016

The Day We Choose Love

Today, February 14th, is the day that mainstream society chooses, en masse, to Love and be Love.

Flowers are given as tokens of Love. Chocolate is shared in large quantities. Even strangers wish Love to those who cross their paths. 

For one day, we all seem to float in the ocean of Love. Love indeed is a many splendid thing. Love is a choice.

We all choose to fall in Love. Say what? Yes, we make a choice whether we realize it or not.

We do not make a choice to have feelings for a person, nor do we make a choice to have an attraction for a person.

We do, however, make a choice to allow ourselves to "fall into Love". How do we make a choice to "fall into Love" or to "be in Love"?

We make that choice when we choose to see that person and interact with that person in complete trust, enthusiasm and through the eyes of Love. We choose Love rather than to remain closed off through fear.

Love trusts. Love is open. Love is the willingness to accept the person as they present themselves. We choose to interact with them through Love and not through control or judgment or fear.

Love is more than an emotion it is a state of the soul, of being, a state of grace.

Even if the person does something that we may not like in that particular moment we give their misstep no second glance as we view them only via the eyes of Love. We are willing to forgive because we realize that we all make mistakes.

Love is open. Love is compassionate. Love is patient.

How then do relationships go bad?

One of the primary ways relationships go bad, especially so called Love Relationships, when at least one or both partners stop viewing the other through Love but through their own fears or preconceived notions, through their own subconscious programming.

When one is In Love and interacting with their partner In Love they focus only on their emotions and their interaction with their Beloved and are cradled in the infinite possibilities of Love.

They trust. They are open. They are willing to try to understand their partner.

In every moment they choose Love.

If Love is not the true foundation of your consciousness it is difficult to maintain that feeling of being In Love.

Fear is the opposite of Love.

A persons subconscious is either founded upon the premise of Love or its founded upon the premise of Fear/Lack.

How does this play out in relationships?

Insecurity. Jealousy. Mistrust. An unwillingness to not allow trust to develop and grow. An unwillingness to allow the partner to open at their own pace. A desire to control or force the partner to operate on a level they are not yet ready. A lack of trust in the partners ability to be present.

A lack of Self-Love or Fear/Lack as the foundation of ones personality plays itself out profoundly in personal love relationships.

If the core root of who you are is that of not truly loving yourself it will rear its head in the way you interact with your Beloved.

When your Beloved does something that you may not understand you may choose to interact in one of two ways.

You may choose to react through Love. You will be patient and attempt to not only hear their explanation but also to accept their explanation.

You may choose to completely step out of Love and step into judgment.

Once you step out of Love you then step into Fear/Lack mode. In that mode you begin to filter your responses through your subconscious data base of past interactions and hurts.

You begin to think and dissect the deeds your Beloved, not from a place of objectivity but from a place of subjectivity.

How? Instead of being open to their explanation and trusting their explanation you instead begin to judge. Instead of seeking an explanation you immediately play a mental tape that includes every negativity that could possibly be conceived. Then that negative perception is accepted as fact and you build a narrative around your Beloved. You then begin to look at other actions and create narratives around them.

Your conscious mind begins to analyze and categorize and judge even more. Your negative thoughts begin to dominate the positive ones. 
Your negative thoughts begin to influence your hormones. 
Instead of oxytocin, the bonding/Love hormone, washing through your system, cortisone and other stress hormones begin to flood your system.  Before you know it your emotions become dark and your feelings alter.
You begin to project your own fear/lack onto your partner and truly believe it is coming from them rather than you your own mind. You completely believe that they are no longer what you thought and you have completely convinced yourself of your inner negative narrative.

You thus, fall "out of Love".

Our world is based upon our individual perceptions. Perceptions are not necessarily reality. Our perceptions are informed by subconscious thought patterns. If our subconscious thought patterns are based in insecurity, fear, or lack  they will inevitably destroy anything we attempt to build.

Our subconscious program can fully convince as that our perception is the true reality of the other person. Our subconscious conditioning can be so ingrained that without true self introspection we will continual to believe that we are right in our perception no matter what.

How do we prevent ourselves from falling into the trap of self sabotage in Love? By reprogramming our subconscious.

When you truly Love yourself nothing can cause you to feel insecure. Nothing can cause you to feel lack.

In every relationship it takes two people to make it go right. Often when we are in a relationship it is not just two people but it is two people plus their collective subconscious patterns wanting to emerge.

What is in your subconscious? If you find yourself ready to judge others and ready to react in anger or hurt at your Beloved's perceived missteps rather than to truly understand then you are operating out of Fear/Lack rather than Love.

Fear destroys the possibility for Love to thrive. Choose Love.

There are real red flags then there are red flags created by the self-fulfilling prophecy of a subconscious that is built on Fear/Lack.

Please enjoy this amazing interview with Bruce Lipton. Its a beautiful explanation of reprogramming your subconscious in ways that will support you.

P.S. Of course it is appropriate to discern whether or not the one you love is truly acting from a place of Love or if they are living their life completely in a lack of self-knowledge, have no desire to grow in self-knowledge and are, at this time, unable to receive or give Love.

Or if she or he simply steps out of Love and chooses to see you only through their own subconscious perceptions of Fear/Lack.

Bless and release them.

Everyone comes into our Life for a reason and a season. If we our honest with our self we will grow and learn from every situation.

 (c) Tamu Ngina, All Rights Reserved.


  1. Love is more than just our romantic feelings. love is a choice in some respects. We can choose to be compassionate, we can choose to put ourselves in the other person's shoes.Love is also commitment TO love even when our emotions say otherwise or we are upset with someone. Love means not just the FEELING, but the commitment.Romantic love is a temporary thing, driven by hormones. True love is commitment to hard work, forgiveness, compassion, selflessness, and understanding.
    Life with that person, life together with them, being selfless, yet cognizant of what we need.It's a two way street

    1. Thank you Robin Littlefeather,

      I could not agree more.

      Love is very much a commitment to love EVEN when our emotions say otherwise or when we are upset.

      It is that commitment that changes pure romantic hormonal love into true Love that is not merely driven by hormones.

      Hormones ebb and flow like the waves and tides of the ocean.

      Romantic love that goes to true love, that commitment is a mature Love. Its a commitment.

      Romantic love without commitment is basic infatuation.

      Thanks for your words.

      Tamu Ngina